Outback plains, sheep stations the size of Europe, Kangaroos, Jackaroos, Emus, Uluru and dusty kids with big smiles. The Northern Territory is the red heart of our land. WA was the last state to stop importing convicts and many of them still work there in the Government and business. Its main claim to fame is that it doesn't have daylight saving because if it did all the men would get erections on the bus on the way to work. Western Australia is too far from anywhere to be relevant. They had the Grand Prix, but lost it when the views of the track caused the Formula Just out of Adelaide (also named after a queen). Where else can you so effectively re-use country bank vaults and barrels as in Snowtown, South Australia is the province of half-decent reds, a festival of foreigners and bizarre axe murders. Maps of the State bring smiles to the sternest faces. In Tassie, everyone gets an extra chromosome at conception. Its mascots are Bondi lifesavers who pull their speedos up their cracks to keep the left and right sides of their brains separate.ĭown south we have Tasmania, a state based on the notion that the family that bonks together stays together. Its capital, Sydney, has more queens than any other city in the world and is proud of it. Thin books read quickly and millions of dancing queens. Next, there's NSW, the realm of pastel shorts, macchiato with sugar, The rest of us think it is too bloody cold and wet. Its capital is Melbourne, whose chief marketing pitch is that 'it's livable'.Īt least that's what they think. Victoria is the realm of Mossimo turtlenecks, cafe latte, grand-final day and big horse races. We are One Nation but we're divided into many States:įirst, there's Victoria, named after a queen who didn't believe in lesbians. We come from many lands (although a few too many of us come from New Zealand)Īnd although we live in the best country in the world, we reserve the right to bitchĪnd moan about it whenever we bloody like. We, the people of a free nation of blokes, sheilas and the occasional ******. Sarkozy thinks: Why me ? That perfidious Cameron must have groped the Irish girl in the dark knowing that I’d get the blame for it and she slapped me…the English bastard.Ĭameron thinks: I can’t wait for another tunnel, just so I can kiss the back of my hand again and smack that little French sod another time. The Irish girl thinks: Sarkozy, not able to help himself, must have tried to kiss me in the dark, but missed and kissed Merkel and she slapped his cheek. No one speaks, everyone is extremely shocked and embarrassed.Īngela Merkel thinks: Sarkozy, not able to help himself, must have kissed the Irish girl in the dark, and she slapped his cheek. When the train emerges from the tunnel, Sarkozy has a bright red, hand print on his cheek. The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a kiss followed by a loud slap. Coming back from another recent EC summit in Rome, various European leaders were forced to take the train due to a strike by Swiss ATC controllers sitting together in the same compartment, travelling through the Swiss Alps, were Sarkozy, Cameron, Merkel and the young and very attractive female Irish foreign minister.
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